I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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