This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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