Is it normal to miss your booty call?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
