you turned your livingroom into a bong?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Randomize
