He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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