as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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