so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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