no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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