can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
