i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
