i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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