the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
honey bunches of taint.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It's shark week go big or go home
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
