Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I didn't notice because vodka
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
