i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize