i just had sex bonerless
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
