help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
