smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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