I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
