the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize