everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
