How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
