I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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