Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
