Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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