your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
