what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
