moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
