You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize