I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
