Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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