dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Randomize
