Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
