Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
