I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
PANTIES FOUND
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