The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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