i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
