the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
His hands were made for my vagina.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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