im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
