that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
