Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
