So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Im part way to drunk.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
