just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
