you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
