He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
