Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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