Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
