I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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