i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
