I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
