Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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