she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
