my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
This couple is walking their pig around campus
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
