I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Hippo gnu deer
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
