the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
