So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
