Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
