Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
