Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
