You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
