mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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