You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
