So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
