but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
