sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
