boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I think my moral compass just broke
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
