I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
