lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
