Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
