And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
