so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
