If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
