just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
