omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I have tasted many bathrooms
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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