i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
