We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
