I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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