are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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