We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
