Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
