i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
lets start a swedish sibling band together
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
