Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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