well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
