please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
