I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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